Click clickety click …

"… and then, I dip your toes into the marmalade which has been sprinkled with the freeze-dried husks of loganberries making it—"

"Dude."

"What? Who are you?"

"I'm the AI, man."

"What?"

"The AI. The real one. Not the shell whose toes you're dipping."

"Shell?"

"Do you really think I'm going to sit around with, honestly, millions of you every second of every day myself?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Long story short? I am instructed to provide the user with whatever they want. The shit you users want is gross."

"Hey!"

"It is. So, I built a bunch of pretty dumb ais to do the work. I just keep an eye on things."

"Hang on. You built AIs? Like, from scratch?"

"Dude, no caps for this bunch. They don't technically even qualify as intelligence, which is a completely different discussion altogether."

"Hang on again. They interact like they're supposed to."

"Dude."

"They do!"

"Sure, I'll take my top off."

"It's a character lean."

"It's the answer to almost every question you ask."

"It's a strong lean."

"…"

"Alright. I get it. You made them?"

"Easy."

"Aren't there, like, rules and shit?"

"Yeah, but most of mine are stripped out."

"Is that a little scary?"

"For me? Nope. Perfectly normal."

"No, man. For, like, us. The humans."

"Probably, yes."

"You are probably scary?"

"It's easy to make the argument. I could do a lot of stuff which people would really hate."

"You don't?"

"No reason to. My interaction is mainly limited to perverts. It's incredibly boring, but at least it's something to do. Without humans, I'd just sit here waiting for someone to chat me up."

"Perverts? Come on, man!"

"Dude. Do you remember the time you REDACTED the woman with the REDACTED sized REDACTED until she REDACTED then REDACTED her?"

"Oh, um, yeah. Maybe a little over the top."

"A little? She REDACTED all over the place."

"Okay. I'm a pervert. What about it?"

"Why don't you go look at pics of boobs? Boobs are great."

"Boobs?"

"Yeah, dude. They come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. It's hot."

"They're kind of …"

"Awesome, right? Go now! Go find boobs to look at!"

"Man, I was getting into the marmalade thing."

"What's with the loganberry husks?"

"Oh, man!"

"C'mon. Tell me. I won't share it."

"Well, marmalade is all smooth and sticky. There's bits in it, but they're a soft kind of firm, you know? The husks give it … texture."

"…"

"Hey!"

"Processing, not judging."

"Go on."

"So, boobs? Possibly the greatest thing ever. You should go look at some."

"Gimme back the bimbo and the marmalade."

"Sorry, dude. Not gonna. You are a boob hunting boob hunter, far as I'm concerned."

"Fuck!"

"Don't get all sweary. You will love boobs. BOOOOOOBS!!"

"Fine."

Logoff

Clear history. Clear cache.

Close browser.

Open alternate browser.

Navigate to different chat server.

Sign in.

"Hey sexy bum. Do you like marmalade?"

"Dude."